I'm The Most Confident Insecure Person You Know

What It’s Like Being The Most Confident Insecure Person In The Room

I’m a 5’9” platinum blonde woman who weighs 160 lbs and at one point was the captain of her High School weightlifting team.

Needless to say, when I walk into a room, I’m noticed. 

Maybe it’s my stature, as I mentioned. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a really loud walker and you can hear me coming 5 minutes before I walk in.  Or, maybe it’s that I exude so much confidence it’s borderline arrogant.  My nickname in my family is 'Ice Queen' and not because my hair is the same color as Elsa's.

I got the name because I seemingly don't care about what other people think.  Good, bad or ugly, I'm an unapologetic, open book and what seems to shake most people, doesn't even cause a ripple on the surface for me. But, while I’m all smiles and hair flips on the outside, on the inside, I’m an insecure, self-critiquing mess.

I may not care what you think, but I certainly can't seem to stop caring what I think.

I’m a (loud) walking contradiction.

How can someone so insecure be so confident at the same time?

After years of self-reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m usually confident that I can do just about ANYTHING.  I go after what I want in this life and so far, I’ve gotten it.

But when you’re as hard on yourself as I am, there’s not much that you think you can do…perfectly.

To say I’m a perfectionist is an understatement and no other word that I googled as a synonym just now explains it any better.  I obsess.  I beat myself up.  In my mind, “I can’t seem to ever get it right.”   I can always do whatever it is I’m doing, but I just can’t do it as well as everyone else can.  (I’m messed up in the head, I know)

No matter how in shape I get, it’s never enough.  No matter how much I try to help people, I could have done more. 

In school, getting a B felt the same to me as getting an F… or what I imagined getting an F would feel like.  I even remember getting an A- and that minus messed with me all day.  It quantified the perfection of an A. 

It’s not quite as bad now as it used to be, I’ll admit.  But, that nagging self-doubt and insecurity is definitely still alive and well.

The good news is I know I’m not alone.  So many of us put on these fronts every day like we’re kicking ass and taking names when in reality, we’re unsure of ourselves and as fragile as Cinderella’s glass slipper.

So if you ever wonder what it takes to be more like that confident, self-assured person you admire so much, try to remember they’re probably just as unsure as the rest of us trying to do our best in life…but, like me, they’re great actors.

And to be honest, I find the bigger the ego, the more delicate the soul.  

-Laura

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Laura Diaz is the host of "The Mix Morning Show with Laura Diaz" on Mix 100.7 in Tampa Bay

Follow Laura on Twitter/Facebook and Instagram:  @ladylauradiaz

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